Ferrick Rises/Script
Cut to old grainy TV footage of Ferrick’s run as the host of Family Feud in 1987. Back then he had a full set of hair, and a normal voice. (Ferrick): Alright, top six answers are on the board. Name something you would want to find in a box. Lydia of the Robinson family pushes her button first. (Daughter Robinson): A ring! (Ferrick): What, are you looking to get proposed to? The studio audience laughs. (Ferrick): Alright, show me— (Mother Robinson): Actually, wait a minute, Ferrick! (Ferrick): Oh, uh, okay. (Father Robinson): It’s funny you should mention a ring in a box, because… A young man, Scott, walks up to the stage. (Daughter Robinson): Oh my god, Scott! What are you doing here? (Ferrick): I was kinda doing my thing, if you don’t mind. (Scott): Lydia, you know I’ve always loved you, and I wanna make it official. Scott gets on his knees and pulls a little box out of his pocket, uh oh. (Lydia): Oh my god, Scott, no way! (Ferrick): Ahem. (Scott): Lydia Robinson, will you marry me? (Lydia): Yes, Scott, a million times yes! Scott and Lydia kiss and the studio audience claps. Ferrick is super annoyed. (Ferrick): That's great, now, do you mind if I-- (Scott): Wait, my mom is somewhere in the audience. Ma? Scott's mom runs onto the stage and hugs Scott. (Ferrick): Absolutely wonderful. Now, if you don't mind, I am trying to-- (Lydia): I have a surprise too, Scott! (Ferrick): Oh, son of a-- c'mon! (Lydia): I completed my twelve-steps program, I'm not addicted to heroine anymore! (Scott): Me neither! Lydia and Scott make out. Ferrick is pissed. (Ferrick): ALRIGHT, GREAT, NOW CAN I JUST-- (Father Robinson): Buddy, do you mind? My daughter is finally getting some character development! The words "character development" ring through Ferrick's head. Finally he snaps and beats the shit out of Scott. (Ferrick): YOU LITTLE MOTHERFUCKER! YOU'RE RUINING MY FUCKING SHOW! YOU THINK THIS IS ABOUT YOU!? THIS IS ABOUT ME! THIS IS ABOUT ME! Ferrick looks up to the horrified studio audience, and the blood on his hands. (Ferrick): ...go to commercial. Cut to Ferrick and his assistant in his dressing room. (Assistant): It's alright, Mr. Wyatt, just calm down! (Ferrick): I'm not gonna calm down, fuck you! My career is ruined! FUCKING RUINED! (Assistant): It's all gonna be fine, Mr. Wyatt! (Ferrick): No it's not, you fucking moron! I beat a man half to death on live television, and my voice is mysteriously high-pitched and monotone! I'm never gonna host an episode again! (Jonah): Oh, quite the opposite. Ferrick looks up and sees a mysterious man dressed in a nice suit. His name is Jonah but Ferrick doesn't know that but you do so you are now officially better than Ferrick. (Ferrick): ...Rhonda, get out. Ferrick's assistant runs out of the room. (Ferrick): Who are you? (Jonah): I'm here on behalf on Cartoon Network. We may have a position for you behind the camera. (Ferrick): Oh, thank you! I'll take any entertainment job I can get! (Jonah): Are you any good at character design? (Ferrick): Not in the slightest. (Jonah): Then you're perfect for the job! Jonah gives Ferrick his card. (Ferrick): Your name is... Geoff Assbandit? Jonah smiles. (Jonah): Pleasure to meet you, Mr. Ferrick. Category:Scripts